The relationship between my hair and I

February 10, 2017

I have always had a special relationship with my hair. For years I had it long, at its longest it reached my waist and then I changed my mind and had it cut to a bob. But it's only recently that I realised that my hair defines so much about myself.

When I was 11 I had this dream that my hair would touch my bum. I don't know where it came from, but I suddenly became obsessed with long hair, so I began growing it. As the years went by my hair got longer and longer until, it touched my waist. At this point I was 16 and it wasn't until I left high school that I realised that I was entirely defined by my hair.

Reading the comments in my leavers book, I was stunned by how many mentioned my hair. People complimenting it, saying how long it was, saying that they would remember me for my hair. It sort of struck me as odd that they would remember my hair, rather than the person behind it. They weren't being mean, I just began feeling that I was being viewed through my hair and not for my personality.

I decided then that I would cut my hair, that I wouldn't be known as 'Charlotte with the hair' in college and so I had it cut from my waist to my chest. It was liberating. Over the next two years my hair went from my waist to its shortest in a bob and I have noticed a difference in myself.

When I look back at photos when my hair was its longest, my smile looks fake. I sometimes look like I'm grimacing and I don't look entirely comfortable. I was insecure and I think I was using my hair as a barrier between the world and I. It sounds stupid but if you look at the photos you can see how uncomfortable I look in my own skin.

When I compare that to now, where I look much more comfortable I realise what cutting my hair has done for me. I have allowed myself to be seen, I'm not hiding behind my hair anymore and I have grown as a person. I began wearing make-up, buying nicer clothes that made me feel nice about myself and generally making myself seen. Not only that but I said 'f*** it' and started my ow blog, something I had wanted to do for many years prior.

It wasn't just a hair cut, it was a way of gaining confidence and if I could go back and tell my past self one thing it would be - cut your hair sooner, trust me, you'll not regret it!

Lottie :)

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